Living Beyond the Divide

As a psychotherapist, I’ve spent the past few weeks in deep conversations with clients navigating a wide range of emotions surrounding our most recent presidential election. In my practice, I’ve heard voices filled with disappointment, fear, and anger—and others full of hope, optimism, and relief.

This contrast presents a unique challenge: How do we honor both realities at once? How do you and I move forward together as a nation when we feel so divided?

What I keep returning to is a truth I’ve witnessed time and time again: We are more alike than we are different. Most Americans want similar things—safety, opportunity, dignity, and a better future. We just envision different paths to get there.

Regardless of which “side” we may feel aligned with—it's crucial to zoom out from our personal experiences and reflect on the collective experience of our country. This isn’t just about policy or party lines. It’s about people. It’s about our relationships, our shared responsibilities, and our capacity to build something better—together.

What We Need Now Is Connection

Whether your candidate won or lost, one thing is clear: around half of our fellow citizens feel deeply disheartened. When we live in a binary framework where one side wins and the other loses completely, we perpetuate a cycle of disenfranchisement that weakens the very fabric of our democracy.

To move forward, we need to reject the “us vs. them” mindset and embrace a new way of thinking—a “we” mindset. That shift doesn’t begin at the national level. It begins with us.

Here are six steps I recommend for anyone looking to heal, connect, and be part of the bridge-building process:

1. Believe That Common Ground Exists

It might feel impossible right now, but we do share many values. Research backs this up. A great starting point: this article shows surprising bipartisan support on key issues.

2. Identify Your Own Biases

Notice where you might be locked into a mindset of “my side is right; their side is wrong.” That belief keeps you closed off from growth, connection, and curiosity. Change starts with awareness.

3. Expand Your Circle

Make an intentional effort to talk to people who think differently than you. Not to argue—but to listen, learn, and share. Step out of echo chambers and into real conversations.

4. Watch This: #DialogCoffee

Former Danish MP Özlem Cekic gave a powerful TED Talk on bridging divides through coffee meetings with her harshest critics. Her #DialogCoffee movement inspires me. Imagine what could happen if we each committed to one meaningful conversation with someone on “the other side.”Watch it here: TED Talk – Özlem Cekic

5. Read “The Anatomy of Peace”

This book by the Arbinger Institute is an easy but impactful read, offering timeless lessons on resolving conflict and creating peace. It’s a guide for how to move from division to understanding in any relationship. Find it here.

6. Take One Action Toward Connection

It could be as simple as reaching out to someone you disagree with to express care. Or trying a new news source. Or inviting someone to your own version of a #DialogCoffee. You don’t have to fix the whole system—just take one step.

For Those Who Feel Disappointed or Afraid

You’re not alone. Feeling overwhelmed in the face of political loss is valid—and deeply human. From a clinical standpoint, your brain is likely in a heightened state of stress, flooded with cortisol and adrenaline. That’s your amygdala trying to protect you.

The best way forward? Regulate your nervous system. Walk, breathe, meditate, journal, or exercise. Reconnect with your calm. Only then can you engage your problem-solving mind and chart your next steps forward with clarity and purpose.

For more tools on managing anxiety, I invite you to watch my video: Watch here

For Those Who Feel Hopeful and Energized

Celebrate. Truly—let yourself feel the joy and relief. But as you do, remember that empathy is the hallmark of true leadership. Use your energy to uplift, not alienate. Reach out to those who feel defeated with compassion, not condescension.

Gloating doesn’t build bridges. Grace does.

Life Moves Forward

The morning after the election, life didn’t pause. Parents still parented. Workers showed up. Babies were born, meals were made, and surgeries were performed. The world kept turning—and so must we.

So, take a moment today to ground yourself in life’s simple rhythms. Make plans. Notice beauty. Offer kindness. Be intentional. Whether you’re celebrating or grieving, the path forward is through connection and shared humanity.

The Road Ahead

This election season is one chapter in a much longer story. The work of healing and rebuilding is ours to carry—not as enemies or strangers, but as neighbors, coworkers, and citizens.

We each hold the power to transform division into unity—not by pretending our differences don’t exist, but by choosing to face them with courage, humility, and a willingness to listen.

Let’s do the work. Let’s build the bridge.

With hope and determination,

Martha Van Dam

Psychotherapist | Speaker | Advocate for Human Connection

PS - Ready to lead with empathy (without surrendering your convictions)?

Click HERE and start the first lesson in minutes. By the time you finish, you’ll have practical tools to:

• defuse tense conversations before they ignite,

• understand yourself and others better,

• speak your truth without losing your temper, and

• keep the bonds you cherish stronger than the politics that threaten them.

There are thousands of us who want to choose connection over combat, but who haven’t known how. Join us now and learn how you can connect, learn from, and share with those who you care for, and who believe differently than you.

Let’s be the change our world is desperate to see—one brave conversation at a time.